Eminem has ALWAYS had my heart and ear ever since his first song, "My Name Is." But this song "Spacebound," off his newest album has me on something else.
I am a person who is hard on love. I am hard on love because, although I crave it, the actual reality of finding that person is very slim. In my life I have not been presented with any good examples of how to make a healthy love last, and how to suppress what should not be. This, subconsciously, has hindered me from reaching out and giving even a snippet of myself over without a MAJOR fight. For instance, my guy is still relatively in the dark as far as what has TRULY shaped me. I have admitted to a VERY trustworthy person that I have the tendency to wait until I have everything figured out before I was to even attempt to mention anything about myself. I guess that I am not one for "weathering the storm" with a security net close by. I just feel that my past is not as massive as the next persons', so I keep it to myself because I would feel that if I was to share, that I would be acting on selfishness. However, when I did tell this person, it was rather heavy to them. I honestly don't see it, but I take them to be genuine.
Back to the lecture at hand.
In this song, Eminem speaks of someone who just appeared out of nowhere and "took my breath away." He even dubbed them a supernova. The chorus reads as followed: "I'm a spacebound rocketship, and your hearts' still the moon. And I'm aiming right at you.......right at you." He goes on deeper into the feeling of an overwhelming euphoria that comes with the feeling of being in love. The feelings that he expressed throughout this song, is the EXACT way that I feel. I have never felt this way before. And, as I expressed in an earlier blog, probably never will experience this high again. I understand that this is a very real possibility, even though the "hopeless romantic" side of me will rebel. The last verse spoke of the person moving on, leaving Eminem still in DEEP love with this person. This escalates to him committing a "heat of passion" crime. Once the person is dead, he proceeds to committ suicide, as if they were supposed to live and die together.
Now I am not dangerously in love, but I am madly into him. In fact, I just confessed it, although he had already known such ha! He asked me on multiple occassions whether or not I was indeed in love with him. I would just brush it off, neglecting to inform him of the journey that was taken by myself to get to him. He thinks that he had to find himself to be with me; little does he know how much soul searching I STILL have to do to be right for him.
HE HAS TAKEN MY BREATH AWAY; HE'S MY SUPERNOVA.
I plan to keep onto him........for he has decided to do this for me a long time ago.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
I'm Sorry America..........NOT!!!
I have an ENORMOUS beef with the American society right about now. My roommate recounted a conversation that she had had with a friend from home about their feelings on the Presidential Office and the state of Americas' affairs in the political world.
It all stemmed from New York, where my roommate and her friend are from, and the current situation where the state is unable to create certain transactions because of improper documentation. My roommate's friend's dispute apparently rests with the Obama-administration. I will not get into what exactly this person said because that would be just juvenile on my behalf. Bottom line, this person blames the Obama-administration for her state not being able to fulfill desires, which in turn affect the citizens of the state as well as the government.
Although I will have to refuse to express what this person REALLY said, I will state that this person made it ABUNDANTLY clear that the skin color was an issue. And this is where half of my anger and shear disappointment lies in this person's statement.
HOW DARE YOU MENTION THE COLOR OF A PERSON'S SKIN AS THE BASIS OF YOUR OVERALL ARGUMENT.
I am sorry America, but this is our leader, this is our symbol of hope and future. I always viewed President Obama as the face of what the United States was all about, "Equality and Justice. Opposite in Existence, Similar in Stride." I cannot fathom the abundant grief that overwhelms me when I read about persons who dislike him because "nothing is changing." I am not a fan of "deliberate ignorance," because no ignorance is blissful.
I you people were to actually sit back and observe, shut the FUCK up, and pay attention, you would realize that the Presidency has not been stable since the early part of the 20th century. Not only that, but the President no longer has much say-so over most affairs. He, or her, job is to basically sign their name on the line and hope for the best. As I type this peace of literary work, I have realized George Bush did not receive HALF as much criticism, ALL EIGHT YEARS!!! In fact, the last President to recieve such hatred and misfortune was Nixon, AFTER WATERGATE IN 1972!!!
Fellow citizens, I ask, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM??? You want something, but once you get it you want to be rid of it. You wanted reform, you're receiving it. Now it's not the right fit. You wanted accountability, you got accountability. Now you want to blame more and more.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO CONFESS YOUR TRUE FEELINGS AND SAY THAT A PERSON OF COLOR IN CHARGE BOTHERS YOU???
I hate having to refer BACK to race, for this country has a slogan that suggests freedom for all, but I see no other way to describe it. I try harder and harder everyday to have some type of pride in my country, but this too has become a lie in its own.
So I am going to do what most Americans never had the balls to do in the first place, and that is say what I feel.
AMERICA THE HYPOCRIT, FUCK YOU.........
It all stemmed from New York, where my roommate and her friend are from, and the current situation where the state is unable to create certain transactions because of improper documentation. My roommate's friend's dispute apparently rests with the Obama-administration. I will not get into what exactly this person said because that would be just juvenile on my behalf. Bottom line, this person blames the Obama-administration for her state not being able to fulfill desires, which in turn affect the citizens of the state as well as the government.
Although I will have to refuse to express what this person REALLY said, I will state that this person made it ABUNDANTLY clear that the skin color was an issue. And this is where half of my anger and shear disappointment lies in this person's statement.
HOW DARE YOU MENTION THE COLOR OF A PERSON'S SKIN AS THE BASIS OF YOUR OVERALL ARGUMENT.
I am sorry America, but this is our leader, this is our symbol of hope and future. I always viewed President Obama as the face of what the United States was all about, "Equality and Justice. Opposite in Existence, Similar in Stride." I cannot fathom the abundant grief that overwhelms me when I read about persons who dislike him because "nothing is changing." I am not a fan of "deliberate ignorance," because no ignorance is blissful.
I you people were to actually sit back and observe, shut the FUCK up, and pay attention, you would realize that the Presidency has not been stable since the early part of the 20th century. Not only that, but the President no longer has much say-so over most affairs. He, or her, job is to basically sign their name on the line and hope for the best. As I type this peace of literary work, I have realized George Bush did not receive HALF as much criticism, ALL EIGHT YEARS!!! In fact, the last President to recieve such hatred and misfortune was Nixon, AFTER WATERGATE IN 1972!!!
Fellow citizens, I ask, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM??? You want something, but once you get it you want to be rid of it. You wanted reform, you're receiving it. Now it's not the right fit. You wanted accountability, you got accountability. Now you want to blame more and more.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO CONFESS YOUR TRUE FEELINGS AND SAY THAT A PERSON OF COLOR IN CHARGE BOTHERS YOU???
I hate having to refer BACK to race, for this country has a slogan that suggests freedom for all, but I see no other way to describe it. I try harder and harder everyday to have some type of pride in my country, but this too has become a lie in its own.
So I am going to do what most Americans never had the balls to do in the first place, and that is say what I feel.
AMERICA THE HYPOCRIT, FUCK YOU.........
Friday, September 10, 2010
What Has Happened?
I am not an english major. I do not have a pH. D or doctorate. I am currently not even in the possession of a bachelor's degree. And obviously from my other posts, this one is soon to follow, I am far from being perfect in the art that is "proper grammer." But that does not hinder me from professing my unadulterated hate for recent lack of professional editting for today's official documentation; this is a rant on the internet, for that's the most frequented space for today's knowledge. Anywhere from ESPN.go.com, to CNN.com, the language in both the official blogs and official atricles has become extremely loose. It has gotten to the point where I feel that there is no more pre-requisted hope for the latter of my generation.
OF COURSE, MY GENERATION AS A WHOLE HAS A BURNING STIGMA TAGGING ALONG, STATING THAT WE WILL BE THE FIRST TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND REGRESS RATHER THAN PROGRESS.
That statement above is so frightening to even imagine that I feel compelled to take action to purposefully distinguish myself from my physical peers. In a way, I am sub-consciously separating myself from them because of how they have come to represent us as a whole: rudeness, arrogantness, laziness, carelessness, callouseness, and over-abundant stale and lifeless thinkers. I often wish that I was a part of the former generation; I personally believe that gray hair is sexy! I was always the one to tag, or at least try to, along with the older crowd, forshadowment of my future I guess.
BUT BACK TO THE LECTURE AT HAND...
I feel that my generation, with an acute emphasis on the latter portion, relies HEAVILY on the technological advances that has been previously been handed to them prior to their existence. I believe. in a way, the previous generation, which I fond over, dealt this hand currently in play. This has created an environment that is hypotonic to both a thirsty mind and heart. I usually say that I have no fear in my soul, besides that of GOD(different topic entirely), but that is a repeated lie. My fear is that my generation will eventually spell the end of a thriving earthly species: the Homo Sapiens.
OF COURSE, MY GENERATION AS A WHOLE HAS A BURNING STIGMA TAGGING ALONG, STATING THAT WE WILL BE THE FIRST TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND REGRESS RATHER THAN PROGRESS.
That statement above is so frightening to even imagine that I feel compelled to take action to purposefully distinguish myself from my physical peers. In a way, I am sub-consciously separating myself from them because of how they have come to represent us as a whole: rudeness, arrogantness, laziness, carelessness, callouseness, and over-abundant stale and lifeless thinkers. I often wish that I was a part of the former generation; I personally believe that gray hair is sexy! I was always the one to tag, or at least try to, along with the older crowd, forshadowment of my future I guess.
BUT BACK TO THE LECTURE AT HAND...
I feel that my generation, with an acute emphasis on the latter portion, relies HEAVILY on the technological advances that has been previously been handed to them prior to their existence. I believe. in a way, the previous generation, which I fond over, dealt this hand currently in play. This has created an environment that is hypotonic to both a thirsty mind and heart. I usually say that I have no fear in my soul, besides that of GOD(different topic entirely), but that is a repeated lie. My fear is that my generation will eventually spell the end of a thriving earthly species: the Homo Sapiens.
Call 911? Maybe not, from a cell phone
http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/mobile/09/08/emergency.numbers/index.html
5 reasons he didn’t call you
http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=8793&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=690231
Monday, September 6, 2010
'Little Rock Nine' member Jefferson Thomas dead at 67
http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/09/06/obit.thomas.little.rock.9/index.html?hpt=T2
Boston police say 'vicious thugs' killed pizza delivery man
http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/09/06/massachusetts.pizza.delivery.death/index.html?iref=NS1
Kidnapped girl reveals new details of her life as a 'domestic slave'
http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/europe/09/06/austria.natascha.kampusch.autobiography/index.html?hpt=C2
Wow It Has Been A While, But I Will Try Anyway...........
I am now away furthering my educational significance in the world, one step at a time; Hence the title of this here blog.(Yeah, I am still in South Carolina in my mind, even though I am now back in VA.) I was forced to leave mi amor behind so for my education, the ONLY reason I even stayed home that long. He is LITERALLY the only person that I have thought twice about going out of state for a college education.
That being said, I must bite the pill and endure: "We shall overcome!"
I am sort of fighting off text lingo, terrible and SOOO not my style I am fully aware, but it has become increasingly difficult to cope without him. Not to mention our schedules are so otu of wack, with him always busy with school, his son(did I not mention that?), and his army life; and my life around classes, right now the greek play, clubs and organizations, and numerous other leadership roles, opportunities and pressures that come with this type of college.
I think the only REAL time that I was just pissy with him, and we have been dating for four months now(hell no we do not celebrate monthly aniversaries, too much to remember) was the LAST night that I was home. He left his phone at work so he was unable to reach me. But we had planned a night out with each other all week, he even called me earlier that day to make sure our plans were etched in stone. So, he felt that it would be rude to not show up just because he didn't have his cellular device, and yes I spelled it out and what. I am like this, and yes I chewed his ass out about this so everything that I tell you was told to him; if we have plans, fuck calling, just show up.
SO WHAT IF YOU COME "UNANNOUNCED?"
I was expecting you, as was everyone else in my household. Yes my mother loves him, so his showing up is a non-factor in the "who does he think he is?" department. So I was having panic attacks and what not, afraid for him, afraid for his son, afraid for his mother, all of that. He called once I got up here and explained his ass, which of course was still a little pissable. But all is well, he just has to kiss my ass, literally when he sees me in October.
I HAVE THE ASS A MAN WOULD FALL IN LOVE WITH, yes his words exactly.
Oh trust he will get a chance to do JUST that.
Anywho
So now I am a couple of states above him, doing my own little thing, not on the side of course; he has me stuck. Let my friends tell it anyway. I think that they are right, because this is SO not my usual self; they know just about everything about him that a friend should know, I prefer to be private so this is a HUGE step for me. I am just growing increasingly afraid of THAT possible outcome. This is becoming more and more new to me, that I am starting to lose the ground from beneath me. I am flying so high, and I don't want to come down. Not because it's scary to fall and have to start all over again, but because the possibility to have to start with someone that is NOT him is too hurtful to even attempt to comprehend......and so I stop.
That being said, I must bite the pill and endure: "We shall overcome!"
I am sort of fighting off text lingo, terrible and SOOO not my style I am fully aware, but it has become increasingly difficult to cope without him. Not to mention our schedules are so otu of wack, with him always busy with school, his son(did I not mention that?), and his army life; and my life around classes, right now the greek play, clubs and organizations, and numerous other leadership roles, opportunities and pressures that come with this type of college.
I think the only REAL time that I was just pissy with him, and we have been dating for four months now(hell no we do not celebrate monthly aniversaries, too much to remember) was the LAST night that I was home. He left his phone at work so he was unable to reach me. But we had planned a night out with each other all week, he even called me earlier that day to make sure our plans were etched in stone. So, he felt that it would be rude to not show up just because he didn't have his cellular device, and yes I spelled it out and what. I am like this, and yes I chewed his ass out about this so everything that I tell you was told to him; if we have plans, fuck calling, just show up.
SO WHAT IF YOU COME "UNANNOUNCED?"
I was expecting you, as was everyone else in my household. Yes my mother loves him, so his showing up is a non-factor in the "who does he think he is?" department. So I was having panic attacks and what not, afraid for him, afraid for his son, afraid for his mother, all of that. He called once I got up here and explained his ass, which of course was still a little pissable. But all is well, he just has to kiss my ass, literally when he sees me in October.
I HAVE THE ASS A MAN WOULD FALL IN LOVE WITH, yes his words exactly.
Oh trust he will get a chance to do JUST that.
Anywho
So now I am a couple of states above him, doing my own little thing, not on the side of course; he has me stuck. Let my friends tell it anyway. I think that they are right, because this is SO not my usual self; they know just about everything about him that a friend should know, I prefer to be private so this is a HUGE step for me. I am just growing increasingly afraid of THAT possible outcome. This is becoming more and more new to me, that I am starting to lose the ground from beneath me. I am flying so high, and I don't want to come down. Not because it's scary to fall and have to start all over again, but because the possibility to have to start with someone that is NOT him is too hurtful to even attempt to comprehend......and so I stop.
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